Too Weak FC (Previously The Unlikely Lads)

Team History

Formed four seasons ago in John Warner Sunday league division 1, The Unlikely lads suffered mixed fortunes. This was mainly down to the fact that although Knowing hundreds of people through football, Manager, Skipper & brother of myself Jay Payne struggled to get players to turn up for a Sunday afternoon.

After two seasons of inconsistency & a different side every week we managed to get together a core of 5 players which for two seasons produced incredible football & a great deal of success.

In our 2nd full season in Division 1 we managed to finish a very creditable 2nd & i must say behind a very strong Hawaii side. If i remember correctly we actually were top scorers in the division scoring over 160 goals in 22 games. Which averages over 7 a game. That season included 2 games in which we scored over 20 In consecutive weeks we managed to win 21-2 & 21-1.

In our first season in the premier division we started brilliantly. The Unlikely lads looked untouchable & as a team we had really learnt how to play great football at John Warner, we even developed the ability to win ugly. After 11 games (half a season) we had won 9 & drawn 2. Sitting top we were looking good & still managing to average over 7 goals a game. Due to the standard of teams in the top division we were top but only by 1 point. In the second half of the season old problems proved very costly, unable to get a full 5 players alot of the time was costing us dearly & a really awful patch of form towards the end saw us slip to third place.

2nd season in the premier division proved to much for The Unlikely Lads, Manager Jay Payne was spending his whole Sunday searching high & low for players & after a reasonable start to the season we decided as a team to call it a day.

A fresh start

At approximately 01.11am on Sunday 14th March 2010 in a random conversation with brother Payne & Mr Bellini we decided that we were missing John Warner a little to much. Myself & Mr Bellini were showing a great deal of enthusiasm in starting a new team but Ex skipper brother Payne was dubious saying he would not be willing to run the team or sort out players each week. He made it clear if we were to rejoin he would take a back seat. he also passed comment that he bet we wouldn't last more than 2 weeks. Hence the name Too Weak FC. I however hold much more hope & hopefully there can be new success for Too Weak FC. Although not to all of our players liking (Mr Bellini) we have been granted a place in the top division & im sure even though the standard this year is very strong we will prove a match for all teams.

Player Profiles

Dan Hearn - Goalkeeper (John Warner shot stopping legend)

Unfortunately we currently have shared ownership issues with Dan as we do share him with division 1 side Unflushables. We understand Unflushables is Dan's original team & we wouldn't ever question Dan's choice to play for Unflushables when games clash. Dan's reputation over John Warner is second to none. Everyone recognises Dan as one if not the best goalkeepers at John Warner. As well as frequently saving us Dan's distribution is first class & i could not even begin to tell you how many assists he has. Hopefully this year Dan will not miss that many games.

Frankie Bellini - Everywhere (Italian Wall)

Frankie is with out a doubt the best 5 a side player i have played with. Partnering me at the back on most occasions Frankie has developed the art of what we call face blocking. There is virtually no part of the body Frankie won't use to stop the opposition from getting a shot on target. This Guy has got the lot. Lightning quick & due to the fact he spends Saturday's & Sundays scoring goals for fun as a striker he chips in with an incredible amount of goals from the back. Must also say when Frankie's not face blocking & goalkeeper Dan is away he is known as Heurelho Bellini. We are very lucky to have Heurelho as back up keeper as he is a great shot stopper. On a sour note due to the amount of football Frankie plays he can be quite injury prone & sometimes has to sit out on a Sunday afternoon. Also if Frankie is busy he tends to just not answer your calls & go missing for a few days.

Lee Payne - Defender/Skipper (Nesta)

Due to the fact I’m slightly overweight & quite lazy i tend to just sit back & distribute the ball. Although Frankie has shown me the art of faceblocking I tend to let him do the leg work. Pleased to take over the reign as skipper although i can see already the difficulties my brother had in getting players to play on a Sunday. Although i do tend to sit back I tend to average just under a goal a game at John Warner. Whether that be a penalty or a trade mark placed curler. No doubt on my reliability, in the days of The unlikely lads I only ever missed 2 games. Must admit after turning out on a Sunday morning for Mardan FC after half hour on a Sunday afternoon i do spend the rest of the week recovering.

Jay Payne - Midfield/forward (The dribbler)

Due to the fact he is my brother i am quite bias towards ex skipper Jay. 5 a side suits Jay's game perfectly. When on form its virtually impossible to get the ball of the guy (both teams that is). Can be frustrating sometimes due to the fact he can be greedy & sometimes his finishing blows hot & cold. Could never fault Jay's work rate as he gets back & helps out as much as he goes forward. His goals & pace are a massive advantage to the team. On top form i would label Jay as unplayable. Warning to defences if Jay recaptures the form he showed for the unlikely lads he will leave you feeling dizzy & as if you have been turned inside out.

Lloyd Jones - Midfield/Striker (The Machine)

Cousin of myself & Jay, Lloyd is the youngest member of the team at 17. Quite simply i label him as the machine. This is for a number of reasons. Lloyd will turn up on a Sunday afternoon Limping & looking like his in agony from his Sunday morning rugby. Ask him if his alright & he'll say his fine & as soon as he crosses them boards onto the pitch he seems as fresh as a daisy. Also for a 17 year old boy the lad has the strength of a bodybuilder. He has UNBELIEVABLE TEKKERS when it comes to striking a ball. I’d say he taught Ronaldo how to strike the ball as Lloyd's tekkers is exactly the same. Comfortable on both feet this young lad gets a serious amount of goals.

Guest appearances

Due to the fact we do only have a core of 5 players im sure there will be many guest appearances. To many to name all but im sure certain members of Mardan FC will turn out on the odd occasion. We would also hope the likes of Dan Bradford & Leon Mckenzie- Mackay. All of these players would add genuine quality to the side.

Conclusion

Bring on the new season, can't wait to see how this newly formed team with some old faces performs. If we can recapture some of the football we played as The unlikely lads i am predicting a very good season.